goodbye.

sometimes the best exit
is a quiet one.
it's a bittersweet farewell.

storage.

we like storing the happy moments of life
we capture our memories through photographs, videos, keepsakes.
but what happens when you want to forget a memory.
how do you store those away?

stuffed animals, mainly bears are really important to me.
i have this rule where i can't accept a bear from someone unless they're important to me.
i got a bear from a friend
and i gladly took it.
but i recently feel like i can't keep it.
so i took the bear.
put it back in its' original bag, it's original box.
and stored it away.

the grass is greener on the other side.

when one door closes
another opens.
when friendship dies
another appears.

i like looking around on Myspace
checking out top friends to see who's close to who
i like looking at my spot to see how important i am to the person
i use to be upset when i wasn't where i wanted to be
now i'm where i wanted to be.
and it doesn't matter.
i guess sometimes it is too late to make amends.

REALLY STUPID PEOPLE

• "Is it really my fault I'm a dumb ass?"
• "Can i have your homework for a year?"
• "Can you write on my pictures so we can hand them out to my friends who don't know you?"
• "Do as you wish _____"

People who i just don't really don't need in my life. (: because they don't know EVER know when to say something, when to stop arguing, when to listen, and when to just APOLOGIZE. ALL three of these stupid people can't take a HINT.

CLOSURE

sophomore year:
last year i had a really close guy friend who had a girlfriend. the girlfriend and i go way back, we grew up together and i thought we were really close. she's one of the people i guess you could say i thought i would never stop being friends with. lately however her and i were on the rocks because we were both really busy and we didn't do anything together. so her boyfriend and i got really close. he's the type of guy that really loves her and i really liked that, like you would see them and think wow i wish i had that, or wow they're going to get married some day. no doubt about it i knew that she was the most precious thing to him. he wasn't close to any girls at all, ever. my friend the girl was like the only girl he ever talked to. but him and i started getting really close. she kind of got jealous which made our friendship go on the rocks a lot more you know. and i guess she took it on him and she did on me too. like you didn't have to be a genius to notice the way she snapped at me. we went to a party once and she snapped at me and one of my other friends was like wow you're just going to take that? of course i took it, she's one of my oldest friends, she's a friendship i thought was worth saving. so for a while the guy and i got really close. the entire time i knew no matter what she would be before me, and i was ok with that. for a while he never doubted me and he defended me. he tried to reassure his girlfriend that there was no chance i could like him. i got pretty sick and tired of always having to defend myself so i came up with a new plan. my plan was to get closer to the girl. so i tried out for the sport she was in, didn't make it of course. lol. and i tried out for the social club she was in. didn't make that either. haha. but while i was doing this i just wanted to save that friendship. she use to mean a lot to me. it's not a friendship i was willing to let go of without a fight. so i try out for aowakya, and her boyfriend my so called best friend was in aka, the brotherclub. so when i was trying out i was really happy because i was thinking that my plan would work. till i sign on line one night and im my best friend (the guy) and this is what happened..

him: are you trying out for aowakya because i'm in aka?

nice move. it was a question basically saying he thought i liked him. i got really mad. and we stopped talking then i wrote him a letter basically telling him i couldn't do it anymore. i was too fed up dealing with the shit i had to go through. trying to save a friendship and trying to maintain one. the worse part is not loosing her, but losing him. i mean he's supposed to be my best friend. and i just wanted to be there for him you know. like i wanted to help him. and he just kind of kicked me to the curb. wow that hurt. like i never ever liked him like that and for him to idk say that it just you know. it's kind of like everything i did was for nothing. nothing. he didn't even show a bit of remorse, no apologies, no i'm sorry, no anything. nothing. it was like ok bye. haha i guess thats what i get. i mean if he can't even have friends what else wasn't he allowed to do? i mean they're both really great people but i'm not even close to being a threat. idk. i think i was more mad that he didn't even care. like i'm supposed to be one of your closest friends and you didn't even say anything to me.

today:
k so that friend of mines from last year and i haven't talked since, the guy one. like we don't even really say hi. he and the girl broke up and now suddenly we're talking again. that figures. the day i heard they broke up i kind of just wanted to ask him if he was ok because i knew it would be hard for him to talk about it. but i decided not to. why should i be a friend to him after an entire year. not to mention he didn't get anything for my birthday and i got him a gift on his birthday. but i decided i would let him talk to me when he felt like it. so he did tell me. um. now today we were texting each other because idk i wanted to find the right time to tell him how i felt and i guess while we were talking it became the right time. so this is how it went:

• me: it is kind of weird talking to you know
• him: why? sry couldnt respond i was at campire
• me: well idk you were always so busy worrying about ____ or other things we were never really friends i always had to im or text you or approach you it never seemed like i meant anything especially when you asked if i was trying out for aowakya for you when i wanted to get in to be closer to ____its like i was invisible. even if i wanted to be there for you its like you didn't want me to try so i just eventually gave up wanting to be your friend it wasn't worth it because i really wanted to just be there for you and you just pretty much left me hanging like it was easy for you to turn your back on me. glad i got that off my chest.
• him: its not that i didn't want u to be there for me. ____ was getting kind of jealous cuz ive never really had such a close friend that is a girl
• me: i knew that to its not like you were the only one she lashed out on you know how important ____ was to me and you know how important you were then you both just kind of screwed me over. you didn't lose two extremely important people i honestly can't even believe you ever saw me as a friend.
• him: you were that close to _____?
• me: i grew up with her i wanted to save that friendship when i honestly shouldn't have tried since it didn't work.
• him: well she is busy with other stuff too. shes really busy w/ aowakya volleyball and school
• me: yeah i realized after that it didn't matter to her as much as it did to me, you too.
• him: =/ sry nat.. idk wat to say
  

now: you tell me where this leaves our friendship. because i'm ready to just forget you exist. if you think our friendship is worth saving, you approach me, and just grow up.

vivian chow (:

i constantly look and read vivian's blog (:
you see vivian is one of my CLOSEST FRIENDS
who moved to san marino eww.
so in order to stay TUNED with her HECTIC life
i read her blog (:
i've read everything she's ever posted
so hopefully she'll do the same.
i LOVE you (: